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John Vasconcellos & David Thread Self Esteem 17
Order David normal  (1st) John ALL CAPS (2nd) David Blue (3rd)

-----Original Message-----

Sent: Wednesday, April 03, 2002 7:57 PM
Subject: Re: Self-esteem - per david boulton


ALOHA DAVID -  I JUST REDISCOVERED YOUR OLDER MESSAGE OF YOURS - -

Subj:    Self-esteem - how I think about it
Date:   Monday, February 11, 2002 1:42:09 AM

John,

This is a more up to date version of what I shared with you in our early
conversations about 15+ years ago -
WOW, DAVID - IT'S BEEN THAT LONG ALREADY WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS . . . yes - it seems like yesterday and at the same time like we have known each other forever -  I am grateful for our years

I think...

Self esteem is the buoyant absence of negative-to-self, emotional and
intellectual, self-assumptions. A flowing from within channeled and focused
by learning and not automated by the reflexes of wounded self-imagery.
OKAY

Self-esteem is a term that describes the ground of our relationship with
ourselves. Its not accumulative, it is the lack of a certain kind of
accumulation.
YEP - IT IS WHO WE ARE BY NATURE - - and the nature in who we are

John, I have long felt that people make a confusion by trying to define
self-esteem in terms of its positive attributes.
I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN HERE, DAVID - AND SHARE IT SOMEWHAT -
- THO IN OUR SOCIETY:
    - WHERE 'BEING' IS SCORNED & SHAMED, AND '
    - WHERE HAVING' HAS BECOME WORSHIPPED ALMOST AS A GOD,
    - SOME FORMS OF 'DOING' ARE AT LEAST CONDUVCIVE TO HEALTHY CONSTRUCTIVE
LIVING.

I understand what you are saying but I don't think we can't advocate for 'having' self-esteem as a compensation for 'being shamed' or it will not only fall into the very trap you (and the critics) lament, it will channel our learning through the wrong orientation. I think characterizing self-esteem as a possession rather than a freedom from being possessed (via negative-to-self, affective and cognitive habits) is mis-orienting - I don't think its what you mean - I think you accept it as a tacital-relevance necessity.    We need to develop ways to help children 'learn their way through' the negative-to-self feelings and thoughts they will inevitably encounter.

Yes, the 'doing' - emphasis on the 'ing'

I am concerned with how it is our children learn negative to self
assumptions.
THAT OUGHT BE OUR PRIMARY CONCERN -
- AND I SUSPECT IT HAPPENS AT THE HANDS OF WELL-INTENTIONED PRINCIPAL
PRESENCES IN THE LIFE OF THE CHILD, WHO ARE PROJECTING THEIR OWN LACK OF SELF
ESTEEM . . .

To use your vaccine metaphor -
ACTUALLY, OUR SELF ESTEEM TASK FORCE CAME UP WITH THAT, AND I THEN CHECKED IT
OUT WITH JONAS SALK, WHO ALLOWED AS HOW IT IS AN APPROPRIATE METAPHOR - -

- how do we 'vaccinate' the child against the in-form-ation of
negative-to-self-assumptions.
OH, DAVID, HOW I WISH I KNEW - - - OR CERTAINLY MY EXPERIENCE AS A CHILD WAS
JUST THE CONTRARY - WHEREBY I INCORPORATED 'NEGATIVE-TO-SELF ASSUMPTIONS
TOTALLY!

By exposing our bodies to 'safe' doses of a pathogen, vaccines create
learning environments for our immune systems. They function like 'simulators'
- they give us a chance to work out a response without being in a
life-threatening situation.
THAT'S HELPFUL TO KNOW, A VALUABLE PLACE TO BEGIN FROM . . .

In order to develop a vaccine to the disease of self-disesteem, some appear
to argue for accumulating self-positive knowledge and experience. This is
then dismissed by the 'other side' as being over generalized and not
specifically earned - there is a fear that it leads to self-inflation by
principle rather than via healthy feedback.
THAT SEEMS TO BE THE COMMON WAY IT OPERATES, DAVID - -
- AND THAT'S PART OF WHY I KEEP ON TRYING TO BRING THE DIALOGUE BACK AND DOWN
EXPLICITLY TO OUR BASIC VIEW OF OUR HUMAN NATURE - FOR THEREIN IS TO BE FOUND
THE FUEL OF ALL OUR EXPECTATIONS AND CHOICES AND ACTIONS, TOWARD OURSELVES
AND TOWARD EACH & EVERY OTHER, ESPECIALLY INCLUDING OUR CHILDREN . . .

I think you would get more universal agreement if the thrust of self-esteem
was more on reducing self-disesteem.
I WONDER WHEHER WE WOULD  - - - -

How do we immunize self learning from the ravages of self-disesteem?
AGAIN, YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED ONE OF (IF NOT THE VERY MOST) CENTRAL ISSUES WE
FACE.

To do that I think that we have to get closer to how our learning nature, in
the fields of our learning environment circumstances (home, school...)
unconsciously learns strategies to avoid the shame and pain felt. "Oh, I am
just no good at...." "I am not good looking" "I am not a loveable person" -
"I am not smart" -
I'M NOT PICKING UP ON WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME HERE, DAVID - -

I believe what you mean by the term self-esteem is simply: human nature free
from the self-disesteeming psychological reflexes we learn to modulate our
negative-to-self,  feelings and thoughts.
AMEN - YOU GOT ME CLEAR!

If so, the question becomes how do we create environments in which children
have the opportunity to learn to participate rather than be passengers in
their feelings and thoughts.
OR - 'HOW DO WE CREATE ENVIRONMENTS IN WHICH CHILDREN ARE ENCOURAGED TO BE
OPEN TO THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN FELINGS AND EXPERIENCING, AND LIVE FROM
WITHIN THEM, RATHER THAN BE DICTATED TO BY OUTSIDE 'SHOULDS' & 'SHOULDN'T'S.'

Getting self-esteem on the map was a huge step for all of us.
ABSOLUTELY! HISTORIC! GROUND-BREAKING (LITERALLY AS WELL AS FIGURATIVELY)!
LIBERATING! PROMISING! INSPIRING! THAT 'HUGE STEP ENABLED EACH OF US TO SHIFT
OUR PATH ONTO A WHOLLY CONTRARY PATH, TOWARD RECOGNZING OUR OWN INHERENT
TRUSTWORTHINESS, TOWARD REALIZING OUR OWN INNATE HUMAN POTENTIAL - FOR GOOD!

I congratulate you again for driving that into happening and for being the
champion and hub of this noble effort to defend the self-esteem movement.
THANK YOU, DAVID, IT'S MY PLEASURE!
AND IT IS OURS - EACH & ALL OF OURS ON THIS PRECIOUS TEAM WE HAVE CONVENED -
IT IS OUR CHALLENGE, OUR MISSION, OUR LIVES - TO SO LEAD OUR LIVES AS TO
DEMONSTRATE BEYOND DOUBT TO/FOR ALL THE SKEPTICS & ESPECIALLY TO ALL THE
CYNICS - THAT WE HUMANS CAN AFFORD (AND CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO) LEADS LIVES OF
FAITH, AND OF HOPE, AND OF COURSE OF LOVE - INDIVIDUALLY, AND ALTOGETHER.

ONDELAY!

JOHN

BTW - my single most significant concern in the learning to read process is
related to 'self-esteem'. In China they call reading English out loud, 'red
facing'.
HOW CURIOUS . . .

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